So it has been two weeks since I could even attempt to write a few lines of my script. I just had a few more blog posts to write and two gigs to go to which it would have been better, as it turns out, if I hadn’t gone at all. I wrote all about it in my last blog post titled ‘Asperger’s syndrome = Loneliness.’ What I didn’t mention was that I had my ATM card stolen along with cash, and that triggered my anxiety about, well, going broke and starving to death, all the while being asked for money by others and fearing for my safety in a secure environment.
Sigh. Why do creative minds also have to be the most disturbed?
It took some time to get back into the mood of writing which meant to completely immerse myself into the world I had created over three years ago. I had to read through past chapters and think about what I would write next and then one eager morning when I decided today was the day I would get out this writer’s block and contribute a few lines the website that hosted my script was down. You see, I use a host so I can work with an already formatted document which makes writing the script a hellavalot easier for me.
So, the site was down on every browser on every computer and my previously saved word document copies didn’t include the few last scenes I wrote which I thought were amazing. I did want to re-write them but not so soon and I had nothing to work off to even remember what happened in them.
I still went ahead and re-read over the chapters I had re-read over three weeks before and I prepared to write the exact same scenes I had also written that long ago.
Then I tried one last time to open the site and there it was, in all its full glory. I immediately extracted the file to my computer in two formats. I would now make sure such a thing never happened again.
Now I can write. I feel like I’ve returned to the world of my story and I’ve been thinking up a few scenes. Not many but I think it’ll do. I write in the next slugline – that is a line telling me where the scene is set – and I press enter and get ready to describe some action and…nothing. Nothing comes to mind.
Damn. I decide to leave my script for a while and return to it later. I pick up my Marvel Fact File and read a couple of pages. I stop and think maybe watching a movie will help get me back into the flow of things. I watch The Matrix Revolutions and later open up the Man of Steel script and begin to study it at the same time I’m reading it.
By the late afternoon with only one hour to spare before I feed the cats and make myself dinner I make one last attempt on my script. I’m writing words now though I barely feel in control of myself. Is this the flow state or just my desperate need to write something? I can never be sure. As I continue on I start to feel like the scene isn’t going where I want it to. To be more precise it’s what I would like to write if the story was still a novel but it’s not working out for a movie script. My inner editor is telling me to cut it out now but the nervous scriptwriter who hasn’t been able to write this well for two weeks is saying just go with it and cut it out later. The important thing to do is write something!
Now I am unsure whether the next few scenes I have in mind to write are worth writing down at all. They just seem to drag on a sub-plot that might just eventually be cut. The novelist and scriptwriter are wrestling with themselves, as they are the same person – me – just at very different stages of my writing life.
So now I think I need to take a step back, read over some chapters that are further ahead in the story than what I’ve been converting into script form so I really know where this story is heading.
At least this next monumental task for the scriptwriter will keep me preoccupied for many days.