Usually when you hear me talk about change it’s in defiance of it but this time it’s been more about embracing it. More than that. Change has happened in my life and within me personally that I barely even knew it was happening.
First, I decided to start a photography course which I at times have doubts that I could ever finish after I start another subject but I work out ways to make it happen. I’ve learned a lot from this course and I use it my general and concert photography. General is anything from self-portraits to photos of animals to photos of children’s birthday parties. I now have the passion to take photos again. I’m not really sure where it went all those years before to be honest. I have had to overcome anxiety that kept me from going to concerts and still have to face a type of agoraphobia that developed in me after a traumatic event. That was years ago though and I now feel ready to move on.
Secondly, with my 30th birthday looming near I decided I should probably go find my some work. The government also requires it of me despite being on a disability pension. The hardest part for me would be overcoming my physical weaknesses. I have hypoglycemia and so need to eat a little every few hours. I also have chronic fatigue and can use up my energy in just a matter of hours. I’m sure there’s a nice employer out there who can work around these issues. I have a lot to offer and not even Asperger’s syndrome, ADHD or mood disorders can hold me back.
Third and last and probably most important I’ve become a committed Christian again. I don’t think Christian is the right word but I believe in God as I have from a young age and follow both early Hebrew traditions and the New Testament. I have a calling on my life that I’ve felt since a very young age but it was never revealed to me until now. I will not say too much since I don’t want to scare you away but I’m very serious and committed to what I have to do and am even creating artworks to share this message, and those artworks will be on another blog. People can mock me. People can try to convince me I’m believing in fairy tales but it won’t do them any good. I’m a rock. Agreeing with people just so they don’t feel uncomfortable around me doesn’t matter to me, the only thing that matters to me is what I can do to secure a future in the next life.
So, I’m finally getting back into my art. I’m a gifted artist (or just quick to pick it up) but have never had any formal education. So I have a lot of self-learning to do to reach these artistic goals I have set in place.
I still want to be a writer of some kind and have a story in the back of my mind. Instead of being science fiction it’s more to help autism awareness. I recently saw a BBC miniseries called The Politician’s Husband and while the depiction of a child with Asperger’s was truthful it focused too much on the negative. I believe showing the negative is important but as someone who has lived that child’s life I can tell you it does get better. In fact, things might be able to get better for an autistic child when they are still a child. It’s more about teaching them life skills without trying to make them ‘normal’ i.e allowing them to have interests and their own coping strategies most commonly referred to as ‘symptomatic behaviour.’ So, that’s the book/screenplay I wish to write.
I don’t make myself ridiculous new year’s resolutions to keep, instead I’m just going to launch straight into a healthy diet and exercise routine. I like feeling fit and it does help give me prolonged concentration and just puts me in an all round happier mood.
As it’s now the first day of 2016 I can begin seeing these goals through. I’ve got plenty to keep me busy. I’m now a photographer for CargoArt Magazine which could mean my photographs can now be printed. I’ll continue to do my photography course and just keep on taking photos in my spare time or for my band photography. I look for jobs daily now, usually anything that involves using a camera. I’ll have to start learning how to draw and paint those things I wish to create on canvases. I’m going to be reading plenty of religious books, including The Bible every Saturday in my own little live-in Church which is my bedroom and the only Church I can trust. I’m already exercising and eating healthily too.
It all seems to be working out pretty well for me – the planning stages at least. I’ll still have plenty of downtime to rest and recharge. So that’s that then. It will be a great year because everyday I will strive to get better; healthier, fitter, mindful, creative and righteous. Now I’m not trying to sound better than everyone – far from it. I mean others are allowed to sin. I have to watch everything I say, do and think very carefully. I just want to be a good person. Good in the eyes of God and mentally sound and say goodbye to physical weakness.